The Terminal Life

It has been said that man fears death so much because he was created for immortality. I remember the Dave Matthews song lyrics, "Hey my love do you believe that we might last a thousand years or more if not for this our flesh and blood it ties..." Everyone tries to hide from death and delay it as long as possible.

The Medical Dictionary defines Terminal as: Causing, ending in, or approaching death; fatal.

Nearly 5 years ago my amazing wife Jessica was diagnosed with a terminal illness: Primary Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension. To say the least the word 'terminal' fell like a ton of bricks.

Here is how it all began:

At first the symptoms seemed simple enough, she was having shortness of breath and difficulty walking extended distances or up hills. Our Dr said that Jess was young and healthy, but referred us to a Cardiologist 'just to make sure.' The Cardiologist again said that he wasn't worried because she was young and healthy, but 'just to be sure' he wanted her to take a stress test. Because of his confidence during our first appointment I didn't even bother to go with Jess to the stress test appointment after which the Cardiologist said, "Well, I need you and your husband to come back in tomorrow, I don't want to give you the 'doom and gloom' without your husband here."

On her way home from the appointment Jess called in shock, wondering what he could have meant by 'doom and gloom.' She went on to say that he told her that he would have to send her to another specialist, and that he would set up and appointment with a Pulmonologist for us. He also warned that there would be lots of tests in the following weeks.

When Jess told me all this I was just getting ready to go lead worship for our Wednesday night Bible study. Only three weeks before I had come on staff full time at the church, and we were still using the last month of our insurance from my previous job. So technically a week later we were uninsured and now Jess had a 'preexisting condition' which was a troubling thought to say the least.

The next few weeks and months were a roller coaster ride of test after test after text, there were many ambulance rides, extended stays in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, and even an emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding.

The night before the emergency surgery Jess had been blacking out over and over again, which in those days was a fairly common occurrence, but she blacked out three times on the way to the bathroom. After carrying her back to bed I remember lying there crying out to the Lord, I was scared, you could even say that I was paralyzed by fear. The next day at the hospital they told us that Jess needed a surgery that would take 1 to 2 hours, but I sat in the lobby of the Cardiac ICU looking out across the City of Portland, Oregon staring at Mt. Hood towering in the back ground for nearly 5 hours.

As I sat there I prayed and read trying to pass the time. I called and text messaged friends and family, but as the surgery went longer and longer I sat there with no information. No matter how many times I checked in and called the nurse for an update there was no information. The words 'terminal illness' came rushing back to mind and they were haunting. Thoughts of how could I possibly raise our 13 month old daughter on my own? But even though myriads of fears and questions arose that evening, in the end I was reminded again and again that my security and my hope for this life was not found in this life.

In hindsight it is easy to see how the Lord clearly gave us a gift of faith to make it through this season, and though we experienced the deepest and darkest valleys of our lives He faithfully carried us all the way. I can truly say that it was only by His grace that those haunting words 'Terminal Condition' did not haunt us.

The Apostle Paul exults while writing his letter to the church at Philippi, and in Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice." It seemed that Paul also had experienced this incredible peace in the storm because Paul wrote these words while chained to a Roman guard awaiting trial before Caesar and potentially his death. Despite his circumstances Paul was rejoicing, because Paul had found the secret to living joyously even while death was looming over him.

The statistics say that 1 out of 1 of us will die (baring the return of the Lord in our life time of course). Death is the inevitable end of ever person and each day we find ourselves one step closer to this enemy that stalks us by simply waiting for us to make our way to it, but we are never aware of when we will meet it. However, for Christians I firmly believe that we should never fear death.

In one of my favorite passages Paul encourages us by saying in Colossians 3:1-4, "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."

For the believer we recognize that Jesus has already conquered death and is now seated at the right hand of God, and as a result we have been raised with Christ so we are to seek those things above. We have died to this earthly life in Him, and now we await our future life that is hidden with Christ. Our glorious future life is to be revealed when He returns for us, or we go to meet Him at out death.

This should be incredibly reassuring for us as believers, because of Jesus' work on the cross the believer has already experienced the 'Terminality' of this present life. We have already died to the old seemingly inescapable 'terminal' life and Christ has hidden our new, eternal life with Him. Now that our new life is secured and hidden in Christ we are no longer faced with this looming enemy at the end of our lives, death itself has been conquered. So in the midst of the trials and storms of life now we can confidently say, "Oh death where is your victory, oh death where is your sting?" This was the secret to Paul's joy.

Now that we are completely reassured of the safety and surety of our future, eternal, glorious life to come we are free to set our minds on things above, constantly remembering all that Christ has accomplished and secured for us. This is what should enable believers to live joyously even while facing death, that we have found in the death of Another, freedom from the 'terminal' life.